If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
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Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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