I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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