her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
