I must be too annoying 4 u.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
