Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
He felt like a one man threesome
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
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Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
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All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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