My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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