i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
