I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
id be glad to
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
