Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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