I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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