You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
