Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
