Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
