When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
