the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
