Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
