Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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