i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
