so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
