took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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