i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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