We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
