The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
