Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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