i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
