areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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