Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
