Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
