she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
