just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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