The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
