'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
