my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
