Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
