If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
