my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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