Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
