im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
