legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
