No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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