You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
