she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
