He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
