Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
