Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
My bed smells like the plague
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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