PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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