I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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