Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
as a side note pls kill me
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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