im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
