Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
