Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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