New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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