I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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