? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
