I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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