New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
