my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i drank out of a bidet.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
