would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
