my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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