maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Randomize
