You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
