Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
