I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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